"Too Close for Comfort," is a chain restaurant/bar that resides in pretty much every town of New Jersey. The proper name of this establishment will remain undisclosed due to the fact that this particular one sits approximately 500 feet away from where I pretend to be a professional adult Monday - Friday.
While reading this review you'll most likely be able to figure out the name because I'd imagine they're all similarly operated and managed.
Let's get started...
The Bartenders - Extremely friendly but mildly attractive men and women. They all know my name, my usual drinks of choice, and never ask to see my ID - these are only things your "regular" bartender should know at your "regular" spot. The fact that they all know these things about me is not something to be proud of - Some of the tenders, well really just one in particular is a bit "too friendly for comfort." We'll discuss later...
Regulars/Crowd Type - Well, considering I'm one of the "regulars," I tend to only pay attention to my own company - who are typically my fellow alcohol dependent colleagues. Really though, the regulars vary from young professionals to old professionals, wholesome families (with screaming children - my faveee), elderly couples, tweens, Jersey trash, motorcycle gangs, and of course...*Creepfests. Basically, it's the kitchen sink, or armpit if you will, of restaurant/bars. Literally, everyone and their mother goes here. I especially appreciate the women that get decked out in their sweetest skin tight wranglers, poison t-shirts, and teased to the max hair to try and pick up dudes. The only thing they're missing is a *Wullet.
Male : Female Ratio - Pretty much 50/50.
Cuisine - Although I've tried every vegetarian option on the menu, I typically order the spinach and artichoke dip and replace the chips with raw vegetables. For most servers, this is not a hard concept to grasp, however I always seem to get a different array of dippers every time I order. One time, I received the shavings from red and green peppers. Really? How do you expect me to scoop with that? I have also sent food back before, because it was just absolutely unbearable - the vegetarian flatbread appetizer - but, I can't really judge considering I eat rabbit food. Anyway, if you're into eating flesh, I do know that many people enjoy the sizzling chicken and cheese with a side of mashed potatoes or (their signature) Jack Daniels sesame jack chicken strips. I'm also a huge fan of their sweet potato fries. And, desserts are to die for (BROWNIE OBSESSION). All in all, standard Americanized food - burgers, chicken, salads and sandwiches, and desserts (cheesecakes, ice cream sundaes, BROWNIE OBSESSION).
Music Selection - Pop tunes of the decade.
Decor/Structural Design - That incredibly tacky "let's put all the shit we find in our attics and garages on the walls and ceiling" trend. They do have a huge canoe on one of the walls though, so that's pretty nifty.
History - Established in 1988.
Location - NW New Jersey, Morris County - too close for comfort.
Prices - Pretty reasonable. Entrees range roughly from $8 - $15 (give or take a few) and 4 pm - 7 pm half price appetizers (score).
The Brown's - Everything under the sun: Jack, Jameson, Maker's Mark, Johnny Walker (Black & Blue), Hennessey. And as for the draughts: Guinness, Stella, Sam Boston, Sam Seasonal (Winter Lager is the shit), Blue Moon, and of course, the standards: Coors Light, Miller Lite, Bud Light, BUD-WEI-SER, etc. They also have a wide range of wines (red and white), vodkas (various 3 Olives flavors), gin, and rum.
In a nut-shell, the place ain't too bad.
As for my personal experiences...
"Too Friendly for Comfort" is an excellent bartender at "Too Close for Comfort." He's pleasant and great at his job. However, like any typical member of the male species, if you're too nice to him chances are he will get the very, very wrong idea and decide that the most rationale thing to do is to ask you out. You politely decline and insist that you're "just not looking to date." He backs off, you think it's cool, UNTIL - he makes a facebook page dedicated to the bar and friend requests you. You accept, because well that's the polite thing to do, and THEN the "bar" begins to write on your wall for all your "friends" to see. You then come to the conclusion that you MUST block the "bar" from viewing photos of you and writing on your wall. As if these weren't obvious enough attempts at proving "you're just not that into him," the next time he see's you he throws all dignity out the window and hands you a note that reads...
Exhibit B) The note from the "Too Close for Comfort" "Too Friendly for Comfort" bartender. Not only was I less than flattered by this impulsive advance to get into my pants, but also made extremely uncomfortable and avoided the bar for a solid 2 months. My favorite part though, "...thought it might be fun before I lose my liscense..." What a catch.
Now, on a more serious note...
Well, there ya have it folks.
Be good,
